What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
