last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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