we're blogging at a bar
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
