I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
