I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
