How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
