I just saw a hot homeless man
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will be naked everywhere
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
