Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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