i permit you to call me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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