There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
