apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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