im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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