And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
