and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
