Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
