i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
