I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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