But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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