Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize