No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
