her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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