he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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