I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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