i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
