I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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