I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
