I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
