So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
