haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
