And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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