You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
