It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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