Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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