hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
