There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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