Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she looked like the before picture.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
