We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
