can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize