Don't you send me to vm
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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