If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
