did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
