you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
