maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When are your genitals available?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
