"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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