and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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