GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
