i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
