im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
