capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
