fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
