im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
