Me too!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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