if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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