I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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