We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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