next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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