dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
