Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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