We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
