just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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