I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't deserve a penis
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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